Erin Solstice/Quotes

Quotes

Quotes

Volume 1[edit | edit source]

(To Herself) “Ever since I came to this world everything’s been going wrong, huh?”
(To Herself) “It could be flour. Or—alternatively, it could be cocaine.”
(To Relc) “…Are you sure you’re not a dragon?”
(To Herself) “Horses eat grass, but I’ll pass, so I’ll go to the city fast. Or I’ll die of starvation! And once I’m there I’ll eat ten pears and—hey, is that a Goblin?”
(To Herself) “That lying, pasta-eating snake-ant jerk!”
(To Krshia) “You know! Riding the cotton pony! It’s that thing ladies have! The waterfalls of hell! The blood baptism! The get-out-of-swim-class card! The proof of womanhood! The part of the month where blood comes out of your—”
(To Herself) “I hate all bugs. Except for Klbkch. No, actually, I hate him too. At least bugs don’t lie to my face.
(To Pisces) "And then I’m going to feed you until you explode like one of the flies."
(To Herself) “Stupid worlds that don’t have ice cream. Stupid Gnolls who act nice and look at me like I’m insane. How does anyone live without ice cream and cookies?”
To Pawn:
- “I don’t even know what it means to be human. All I know is that there’s a big hole in my heart. Because Klbkch and the Worker died. I don’t know who I am or what I’m doing. I’m just—sad.”
- “I just am. That’s how it works. You don’t get to choose to be someone. You just are. Even if you’re not special. Even if you don’t want to be. You just are.”
(To Pisces) “In case anyone’s wondering, I cannot shoot blood out of my crotch.”
(To Pisces) “It’s weaker than I am! I punched it this morning and its head came clean off!”
(To Krshia) "Oh, um, yeah. I’m from another world. Sorry I didn’t tell you earlier.”
(To Ceria) “Um…Elen síla lúmenn’ omentielvo? Is that right?”
(To Calruz) “Um. Do you like mazes?”
(To Herself) “Winter is coming.”
(To Toren & Rags) “The king is smart and uses his head. For if he moves, he’ll soon be dead.”
(To Hersefl) “Great. My undead skeleton sucks at chess.”
(To Herself) “I am a queen. And this is my inn.”
(To Skinner) “Come on. Let’s end this.”

Volume 2[edit | edit source]

(To Ryoka) "Um, you know how you were talking about survival and all that? Well, just imagine the coffins as one big…diaper.”
(To Krshia) “I just want to sit by myself and not do anything. Just sit and play chess, okay? I’ll be better once I’m at the inn. Once I’m home.”
(Thoughts) If she saw a stuffed yellow bear she was going to lose her mind. But Hawk was real in a different way. He wasn’t like Rabbit, more like the rabbit-version of Usain Bolt. Yeah, that was probably closer.
To Selys:
- “But it looks so fluffy and poofy and—”
- “Right, right. But he’s so fluffy.”
(To Pisces) “Okay. You’ve officially made the most horrible thing in existence. Undead spiders. Good for you. Now take it out of my inn.”
(To Frost Faeries) “Frost Faeries. Bringers of Winter. I invite you in. I open my doors to the Fey, and offer you this simple banquet.”
(To Ceria) “Oh, I come from another world. Ryoka does too.”
(To Toren) “That’s it. Out! Shoo! Don’t come back until later, and stop being…creepy! Understand?”
(To Brunkr) “My name is Erin Solstice. This is my inn. And. You. Are. Trespassing.”
(To Herself) “Minotaur! Punch! Punch! Minotaur…[Minotaur Punch]!”
(To Moore) “…Hodor?”
(To Jelaqua & Seborn) “Really? I mean…oh. That’s cool? I mean, not cool exactly, but it’s nice? Not that being Human is cool or nice or not being Human is bad, but—um. Sorry. Thanks for helping, and uh, nice to meet you?”
(To Herself) “I’ve just been plagiarized! Again!”
To Halrac:
- “Hey, look! A keg! I wonder what’s in it?”
- “Come on, it’s only a drink! Just a few flowers—more than a few! It’s not a drug if it’s magic, and you’re not overdosing or whatever! Come on, wake up!”
(To Reynold) “But sort of incorrect? Do you always travel around like this? How do the ghost horses work? What if you get attacked? Do you want some of this cheese? There’s lots.”
To Magnolia:
- “I want to protect the people around me. That’s all. I have friends. I don’t want them to die. I want to help them, and some day find a way home. And live in peace. That’s all.”
- “If I punch you, would Ressa kill me?”
(To Herself) “I think I really hate her.”
(To Klbkch) “Don’t worry! I’m going to bring a frying pan and a knife.”
To Lyonette:
- “I didn’t say you were. But we’re all working in this inn together, Lyon. I own it, but I need your help.”
- “Some monsters are horrible, but this is magic. And we’re on an adventure, right?”
(To Herself) “Snow Golem brain-snow.”
(To Jerad) “Oh hey. I’m lost. My skeleton ran off. Can you help me?”

Volume 3[edit | edit source]

(To Grev) “You’ve caused enough trouble for your sister. Try and run off and I’ll throw the plate at you next time. And if that doesn’t work, I’ll take this fork and shove it—”
To Pisces:
- “Yeah, shut up, Pisces! You were nicer back when you were in Wistram.”
- “Because other people were jerks to you. I get it. But you still became sort of a jerk yourself, you know.”
- “You. Ceria told me about how you used to duel people, and cast magic. You sounded cool.”
(To Mrsha) “Mrsha! Calm down. It’s good to see you! Please get off. Please?”
(To Lyonette) “I’m back! Hey Lyon, did you miss me?”
(To Zel) “Whoa. You’re tall. Um. Hi. I’m Erin Solstice. I sort of own this inn, but I’ve been gone…wait, did you say Shivertail? Are you related to Selys?”
To Klbkch:
- “Isn’t it? Us Humans are so intriguing. Except that I think Antinium are way more interesting.”
- “Something. Anything. Give your time to someone else to talk, give a bit of trust, or a helping hand. Give them a second, and maybe you’ll get something back.”
- “Then you don’t. Maybe you’ll never get anything no matter how much you give. Maybe you’ll never be friends. That’s how it works. But to make a friend, you have to try. Just try.”
(To Termin) “Okay, don’t pet the beaver. Well, can’t we get rid of it?”
(To Ceria) “Can you get rid of it? You can talk to animals, right? Can you get it off the road so Termin can keep going?”
(To Krshia) “But I need to say it. I hired Lyonette, and I know you were upset. It must be so hard—if I can do anything, I will. That’s what friends are for.”
Missive Ryoka:
- Christmas! It’s Christmas soon! You must come back with presents! We will have party! Can you take carriage back? Tell Reynold he is invited too!
- Come, please! Party is in two days! Come for Christmas! Tell Magnolia she is Scrooge! Ressa is cool.
(To Herself) “One bee, two bee, three bees…this one’s twitching. Ew. Four bees, five bees, ooh, big bee! Seven bees…”
(To Brunkr) “Have faith in me. I want to help. And I know what I’m doing.”
(To Krshia) “That’s just who I am. A silly believer.”
(To Herself) “It looks like it’s going to be an interesting year.”

Volume 4[edit | edit source]

(To Bird) “Bird! Guard! Bird House! I pay, you shoot! Birds! Bird!”
(To Gold-rank Adventurers) “Will do! Oh, by the way, did Lyonette tell you all about what I wanted to talk to you earlier about but never got the chance to talk about?”
(To Everyone) “Make way! Cake! Make way for the cake! Oh, hey Mister Zel and you. Do I know you? And hi Klbkch! You and your friend will want to eat this. Wait, do I know you?”
(To Regrika) “It was your smile. You smiled like Mrsha does when she’s been naughty. Kids are bad liars. And so are you.”
(To Zevara) “Did you think that was a joke? That I wasn’t serious? I am. Unless the Goblin is attacking me or other people, or stealing or—or being a jerk, I won’t let you harm them.”
(To Zel) “Why did you do it? Stand up for me? And why were you sure I’d give them a place to stay?”
(To the Halfseekers & Drassi) “I am. I believe in people. I believe that Goblins are more than monsters. Because they act like people. They might act like monsters, but—don’t people say that about Selphids? To a Human like me, a Drake might be a monster. Or a Gnoll. But they have feelings. And so do the Goblins. They might not speak, but they cry. And I think that if you can cry, you’re a person.”
(To Purple Smile) “Hey, it’s you! Scary-purple-smile-guy! How’s it been? You’re here for food, right? Where’s Pawn? Not with you this time? Well, come on in and—”
(To Lyonette) “You sure? Right, just don’t serve her anything strong, okay? Feed her, don’t let her drink. A happy Selphid’s a fat Selphid. Or something.”
(To Apista) “Sting me and Lyonette will have to sweep you up, Apista. Understand?”
(To Everyone) “Good. Now, the first person who moves I will personally break their arm. No one stands, draws a sword, or does anything until I say they can. Got it? Good.”
(To Redfang Goblins) “Thank you. And I want you to know that I had a friend, once. Her name was Rags and she was a Goblin. She and I didn’t always understand each other, but I thought of her as a friend, as a person. I think you’re people too.”
To Mrsha:
- “It’s not wrong. Anyone would hate them for that. Hating Goblins isn’t wrong. But hating all Goblins, hating these Goblins—that’s not right, either.”
- “Listen, Mrsha. I am going to tell you something important. Something you have to learn. And it’s this: people are not the same. Understand?”
- “No, no they aren’t. But some people think that way. In fact, most of us do it. We don’t mean to, but we do. And that means we judge everyone by the actions of a few. Like Goblins. They are not all the same.”
(To Ilvriss) “So what do you want? Hey, didn’t I throw a pan at your head once?”
(To Ilvriss & Mrsha) “Go on. Or Mrsha will eat it. Mrsha, no. You’re getting your own. See? Ishkr has it right there. Be a good girl and sit down. Not on the table.”
To Ilvriss:
- “No Firebreath Whiskey for you, Mister. You came here drunk and you had an entire mug of the stuff earlier. I’m cutting you off.”
- “Too bad. You can have this drink instead if you want. It’s a specialty of the inn. Faerie Flower ale. Here, try it. It makes you feel better. Or worse.”

Volume 5[edit | edit source]

(To herself) “Whoa. Mayonnaise diplomacy. I’ve seen everything.”
(To Hawk) “Aw, what the heck. I like new places. You said this place is called Pallass? I always wanted to see a Walled City. Let’s go exploring!”
(To Hawk & Ilvriss) “I’m just saying, it sounds like a joke! A Human, a Rabbit-dude and a Lord of the Wall walk into a bar. Or through a magical portal. There’s a joke there somewhere!”
(To Lyonette) You see Lyonette, there’s one good way to make angry people less angry at you and that’s to pretend to be as stupid as they think you are. Like a dumb Human tourist.”
(To Zevara & Venim) “I get it. With great door teleportation must come great responsibility, huh?”
(To Lyonette) “It’ll totally work! It has to work! It’s already working! It’s the most amazing idea I’ve come up with yet! Lyonette, this is going to blow people’s minds!”
(To herself) “I should probably get my own room. Yup, yup. Why do I sleep down here anyways? Because the kitchen floor is soft? Well, it is, actually. But I need a dressing room, at least. The actors could use one and so could I.”
(To Jelaqua) “Nope. He’s good at most things and he likes to eat. He’s a hard worker and the other Goblins like him because he doesn’t get on their nerves. He’s a Hufflepuff, poor guy.”
(To Falene) “Oh! Right. It probably is. I don’t use the names of wines. I just call them by how they look. I’ve got red, off red, sort of red, greenish yellow, maroon…hey, why do we call all those wines white if they look green? What about green wine? What’s wrong with calling it that?”
(To Lyonette & Mrsha) “Well, looks like it’s time to go. That parade sure was fun, wasn’t it? Ending sort of sucked, though. Hey, is that really the army? They look like jerks.”
(To one of Ilvriss's escorts) “Sorry, but I’m in a hurry. Besides, Ilvriss isn’t my Lord of the Wall or whatever. He’s cool. I’m cool. We’re on a level.”
(To Redfang Goblins) “That’s what you should be. That’s what I tried to get Selys to do. You should be adventurers. Goblin adventurers.”
(To Lyonette) “I know, but it’s a good job! I don’t know what I would have done without you. Never go on vacation again, okay? Kidding! But not really.”
To Pawn:
- “Pawn, I love you like the son I don’t plan on having, but you can’t just sit here. People need you. All the Soldiers and Workers in your unit have stopped eating.”
- “There’s that handsome face. Mandibles. Whatever. Good job, Pawn.”
(To Earlia) “Hello there! The Wandering Inn provides you with a Hobgoblin escort to and from the dungeon plus emergency rescue! And we have a boat. Three, actually. Want a lift?”
(To Lyonette) “It helps! Okay! Here goes! Mad, mad—table flip! Getting really angry! I’m awakening my warrior instincts! You can’t stop me! This is not my final form! Graaah!”
(To Pallass's Guards) “Hey! I know there are Drakes watching this door! Get out here! Liscor’s under attack! Again!”
(To Headscratcher) “Pawn to F4. Bird’s Opening. That’s what it’s called. Bird uses this opening all of the time. Because of the name.”
(To Adventurers) “Hey! You want food? We have food! Hot food! Ready to eat! And we have a magic door! You don’t have to climb up to Liscor! Just come on over and walk through!”
(To Zevara) “There’s a big, bad army of Goblins up north. Got it. What does that have to do with the Goblins here? Goblins are not alike.”
(To Halrac) “Come with me. So Bird can apologize. And before that, so you and I can explain what he did wrong.”
(To Bird) “Very bad, Bird. As bad as bad can be. I brought Halrac here so you can apologize. He might not forgive you. That’s how bad it was.”
To Cave Goblins:
- “Try to stab me and I’ll hit you. Don’t stab me and I’ll feed you. Okay? Give me ten—five minutes.”
- “Food. Is good. Food makes people feel better. I can’t save Mrsha or Ceria. I can’t fight Raskghar. But I bet I can feed you. And I just bet you’ll stay for that. What do you say?”
(To Embria) “You don’t have to follow my orders. I just thought you’d want to be part of my plan. I don’t need you. I could use your help, but you need me more than I need you. So…see you maybe?”
To Ilvriss:
- “You think I can’t help? I can’t fight, but I can think! And my plan needs you, Ilvriss! It needs you, and Klbkch, and Zevara—it needs everyone! Only I can pull it off. Because I’m me!”
- “I am Erin Solstice! I’m the craziest Human you know! And I have a plan! I can save the Gnolls! I can save Ceria! I can save Mrsha! Look me in the eye and tell me I can’t!”
(To herself) “And Hufflepuff takes the lead.”
(To Guardsmen) “Am I going to be on a watch list? Or will this be on my permanent record? Do you have records? Wait—am I already on your watch list? Hey, do I have a file and if I do, can I see it?”
(To Headscratcher) “It’s not your fault what other people do, Headscratcher. It’s not your fault what they do. Only what you do.”
To Redfang Warriors:
- “It’s all happening. And I want it not to. I want time to stop. I want to be here—even here, forever. I don’t want to know what happens next. Why can’t things stay the same? Forever?”
- “At least tonight…at least one more day.”
(To Olesm) “It’s funny. I was an honest [Innkeeper] before all of this. I had to go to prison to become a [Criminal]. [Thug]. Whatever. This is a [Thug]’s life, y’know?”
(To Zevara) “I can’t deal with them. And I can’t get them to go. So…take me back to jail. I hear we’re getting beef stew for dinner.”
(To Everyone) “Alright Gangnam style! Follow me, everyone!”

Volume 6[edit | edit source]

To Mrsha, Lyonette and Numbtongue:
- “You’re more than guests. More than friends. You’re family.”
- “But you’ll always be welcome here. Forever. No matter what happens. Wherever I go, whomever I become—I’ll always welcome you. That’s what family means. More than friends. This is your home. If you want it to be.”
- “I’m Erin Solstice. I come from another world. We call it Earth. I have a home there. Parents. I had another life there until I came here. By accident. Maybe by a spell. My world is nothing like this one. It’s beautiful and stupid and different. It’s home. And I want to go back one day.”
(To Venim) “This isn’t over. I’ll be back. And if you ever hurt Numbtongue—that’s the name of the ‘monster’ by the way—I will kick your scaly butt. Have a nice day.”
(To the [Mages]) “You could use some abs. You too, Ceria. Typhenous is old so he’s fine, and Moore’s cool since he can lift cows, but the rest of you need to work out.”
(To herself) “Stupid Ilvriss. I’m not marrying you. You can have it back when we see each other again.”
(To her knife) “Too many to count! And you were always there with me, buddy. Well, I’m afraid to say that you’ve lost your edge. Sad. What’ll I do?”
(To herself) “Stupid uptight Drake guards. It’s my door! Security risk, am I? Your face is a security risk! That’s what I should have said. Boom! Nice one, Erin. High-five, self-five!”
(To Bealt) “Erin Solstice! [Innkeeper] and uh, City Human!”
(To the Gold-rank Adventurers) “You—you’re all jerks. Because you’re too nice! You came in here, made friends with me, saved my life. How dare you? How dare you do all that and just go without me being able to say how much I’ll miss you? Why can’t you stay?”
(To Relc & Embria) “Maybe? You’re been talking about this campaign or that mud pit you had to fight in for the last two hours. I’m not saying I’d rather listen to Pisces talk, but I might.”
(To Klbkch) “Klbkch! You’re a bad dad!”
To herself:
- “Grr. Wow. These hard boiled goose eggs are good. Why have I eaten only chicken eggs all my life? Grr.”
- “Hold on. Selys. Heartflame Breastplate. Stabbing people with the kitchen knife…cake. Yeah. I can work with this.”
(To Rufelt) “It was just vague. And it came together with luck. But I like to think I know people. It’s not about the plan. It’s about tossing the right people together. If you do that—hey! You never know what’ll happen next.”
(To Lyonette) “Ooh! That’s like chocolate chip ice cream! Hey Lyonette, how’d you make—oh. Ew. Those ain’t raisins.”
(To Numbtongue & Yellow Splatters) “I have to go. Sorry. I’m cramping your style! Oh no…I’m a mom. Wait, does that mean Lyonette’s the dad? Or the bossy older sister? Am I the dad?”
(To Celum’s [Mayor] and Relc) “Oh yeah? Oh yeah? Watch me! Your City Watch let these guys threaten Octavia, steal money—hey Relc, if you find all that gang and this Quelm guy, I’ll give you free food for a week!”
(To Celum’s [Mayor]) “I am the consequences!”
(To Venim) “I’m not doing whatever you want. It’s ‘take-Erin-down-a-peg day’ today. I know what’s up. I’m just gonna play chess here. Don’t bother me. I’m sulking.”
To her Inn:
- “Hey. Inn. On my next level up, I want you to do something to protect them, alright? Mrsha. Goblins. Me too, I guess. Give me the power to save them from anything bad. Can you do that?”
- “Level 40, then. But it had better be good. Time to grind some exp!”
(To the audience) “We did it. Krshia won! And so did Raekea and Elirr! Mr. Cat-Gnoll Guy is on the Council!”
To Selys:
- “Hey good looking! Mind if I buy you a drink?”
- “It wasn’t fair. And you can be mad. But tonight, Selys? Be happy. Because there wasn’t a Gnoll on Liscor’s Council yesterday. Tomorrow, there will be.”
(To Lyonette) “Well, I’m off! I’ll be back tonight or tomorrow! Send help if you hear explosions or something.”
(To Pisces) “Pisces! Are you playing with your bone again?”
(To Pisces) “Alright, you’ve got me, you sly dog. Lay it on me. Where’s Tiqr and why do I care? It’s got to do with the Dental King, right? The King of Destruction?”
(To Palt) “Oh, be shush, you. I’m not gonna hurt you. But if you cast a spell on me, I’ll stab you.”
(To the workers) “Those jerks! Hey! Hey! Let go of me! I’m gonna kick him in the nuts! I’m gonna boil nuts and throw it on his face! I said let go—”
(To the workers) "Wanna cookie?”
Thoughts to herself:
- But what are you going to do? If Montressa goes nuts? Palt just said they can blow up your inn, even from the outside. And if they fight, your friends have to fight too. If any get hurt when you could stop it, it’s on you, right?
- But you said the same thing about alcohol and it was pretty nice. And you serve that. And your faerie flower drink.

Volume 7[edit | edit source]

(To herself) “It’s boring being on break. And I suppose it’s time to go back. And do it all better this time. Differently.”
(Thoughts) She’d have to find Pelt’s knife again. She kept nearly losing it.
(To Klbkch) “I know that! But hitting Bird is not the answer! Stop it or so help me, Klbkch, I will make you regret it!”
(To Bird) “Listen to me, Bird. I know you’re not happy. And young. And I know you like birds and you’re…Bird.”
(To Grimalkin) “Look, I just want a rune. I’ll pay you. No favors! Who do I have to pay for a rune? Palt? Palt can do it! No, I’m not answering all your questions. Where am I from? Noneya! Noneya business! Boom!”
To Lyonette:
- “But how do I trust my brain?”
- “He does not. Stop saying stuff like this! You’re hurting my feelings!”
(To herself) “Damn, drat, darn—uh, dingus…”
(To Pallassian Guards) “Chocolate! Hey! Hey, that’s a br—that’s a gift! It’s food! Not poo! Eat one, go on! Don’t give me that look! And don’t you dare throw me in jail! I’ve been there! It sucks!”
(To Saliss) “I uh—no. No, you really did—thank you. I’m…no, thanks. There’s just this thing with the flowers and—I’m sorry. But also, thank you.”
(To Lyonette) “I didn’t know! How was I supposed to know? He was just supposed to lift stuff! I don’t work out! Who works out? I play chess!”
(To Selys) “But this is free. And very cool. Plus, I can open the shutter and depress people. Free depression! Get your free depression here!”
(To Calruz) “I don’t know. But I know this. I remember Calruz the Adventurer. Calruz, the mad thing in the dungeon, leader of the Raskghar. Calruz the [Prisoner]. Calruz of Hammerad, this is what I think of you.”
(To Montressa) “Palt keeps telling me about trust. Secrets for secrets, right? That’s how Wistram works? Don’t report that. And I’ll tell you about weights. And other things. Give me a reason to trust you. And I will.”
To everyone:
- “Just remember this! This is The Wandering Inn! And we’ve seen good people and jerks come through here! Legends and monsters! But we remember the good ones now! Raise a cup to them all! They’ll be back again, someday!”
- “No matter how far you go, no matter where you go or who you become—you can always come back here. That’s a promise. I might hit you with a pan, but this inn welcomes you all. Because it has only one rule. Which is?”
(To Mrsha) “Don’t…like…is that your word for alcohol? Stinky? Don’t like stinky alcohol? Gotcha! Well, I’ll pay you in stinky cheese howzabouthat?”
To Pelt:
- “Because…I’m an [Innkeeper]. And I made something good. Promise!”
- “I don’t need another knife. I was just giving this to say sorry, honest. I’ve got something else, but I’d bother you with it, anyways.”
(To Grimalkin) “Yes. Sometimes I like doing things that I think will make people happier. And do other things. But I like doing good things for friends. Is that strange for Pallass’ leadership to consider?”
Thoughts to herself:
- Make me a knife made of hatred and flame. To cut away my weakness, my enemies, my shame.
- Give me a weapon to make a monster out of me. A weapon so terrible the world will flee—
(To Halrac) “Halrac! Not even one slice? Okay, then. How’s some onion rings? Yes? Yes? Am I hearing a yes?”
(To Ryoka) “You big dummy! You can’t just run away. We missed you so much. I’m so sorry I told you leave. I didn’t mean it! I say stupid things!”
(Missive to Flos) “Dear, King of Destruction. I hear you’re a big jerk. Your vassal, Gazi, is also a jerk. Go stuff your face and stop declaring war!”
(To Eldavin) “I get it. Be prepared for anything. Rebuild if everything gets destroyed. Again and again. Even if the sky falls down. But…that’s so much work.”
To Ryoka & Palt:
- “Well, yeah. Obviously. I could get them if I needed to. Like—scream through to Pallass and get Chaldion or Grimalkin? That’s easy.”
- “Um—okay. I open the door and scream ‘dead gods! I’ve got so many muscles! That new soup really does work! I’d better give this to all the Antinium and see what happens!’ And then I shut the door. It’ll probably work, right?”
(To Ryoka) “I know they just got back. But—but—can’t you stay forever? I’ll feed you until you get fat and old. You can even sleep with Relc.”
To Numbtongue:
- “Yeah. But it makes people sad. I can’t—use that in other stuff, right? Imagine me selling that to adventurers? Get a Depressing Fire Lantern for cheap! Feel bad about killing monsters and the hopelessness of life while you try not to step onto a trap! Also, free cold air!”
- “Oh. It’s for Ryoka’s middle-of-the-summer party. The Solstice thing, you know? On my birthday. I think. My parents said it was a sign. Since y’know, my last name? But I’m not sure it lines up exactly. There are more months. Time is weird here.”
(To her soup) “One soup to rule them all. One soup to bring them together. And in the darkness blind them.”
(To Numbtongue) “…I think my mom told me that once. I dunno, maybe your head explodes. Okaygottago!”
(To Maviola) “How…how do you do that? Fall in love? It’s so hard for me.”
(To Numbtongue) “Numbtongue. I learned a lot. And—I never forget. You know that.”
To Invrisil's rioting crowd:
- “Let’s kill them all! And then kill all the villagers! Especially the babies! And the cows! And uh—rats! Kill all the rats and sheep! Kill ‘em all!”
- “It sucks. Sometimes life is terrible. And I can’t help you. I can’t stop you from rioting. Or change your minds. But there’s just one thing. You can’t kill them. That’s not right.”
- “This isn’t justice. You don’t know what fighting for something important is. So I’m sorry for this.”
(To Maviola) “Healing potion…there. Yeah. It was the only way. You were right. I can’t control a mob. So I beat them up.”
(To Shassa & Nalthaliarstrelous) “—kidnapped Mrsha! And why do you people keep walking into my Garden!? It’s not supposed to be open to other people! And who are you? You’re that guy!”
(To #1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6 & 7) “See this? See this? ‘No Killing Goblins!’ I’ve got signs! No one reads them! Who here read this, huh? Huh?”
To Nalthaliarstrelous:
- “Look, Nalth, buddy. No one likes mistreatment of animals. If I saw a dude kicking a dog, I’d kick him! Or her! But you broke his skull.”
- “I get that. I even respect that. Sort of. Don’t look at me like that, Lyonette. But you’re like—that went too far.”
(To Eldavin) “Buddy, you just became #8.”
Missive To Geneva:
- No. Honesty set to maximum this time. However—I do know there are others. There is a [Singer] in Terandria. I think that a person is in Chandrar.
- Don’t give up! This world needs [Doctors]! \o/
- True. But what other option is there? That’s why we do these things. Don’t give up. It means so much to hear from someone else trying to do the right thing.
- It must have been terrible at the start. But you did it. I did it. Let’s keep working, Geneva.
(To Grimalkin) “On the contrary, [Sinew Magus]. It’s going to do good. Or do you like stupid things? More importantly—it requires testicles.”
(Missive to Ryoka) I’m good over here! We’re working on the you-know-what for the thing with my name.
(To herself and Selys) “Okay, the trick is to not cut off the fingers. I thought you went to that bigwig shindig with all the movers and shakers a bit ago?”
(To everyone) “Who’s attacking Rose? I’ll attack you! I’m in the mood to punch someone and it’s not me!”
(To Anand) “Wait, Klbkch took Anand with him? So that’s why I haven’t seen him! Anand! You never said goodbye! Who else is missing? Where’s Elirr? Where’s Fals? Has Garia gone to Chandrar or something? Argh!”
(To Shadow Loaf) “It’s not good. It’s a disgrace. You hear me? You’re not even worth buttering!”
(To Lyonette) “What? I would never cause an incident. You know me. I’m calm, right, Numbtongue? Calm Erin. That’s what they call me. Yup, yup. Where’s my frying pan?”
(To Invrisil's Watch & Elia's Daughter) “Anyone steps through and if I don’t smack you, Numbtongue will. He’s a Goblin. You try hurting him and I’ll kill you.”
(To Elia's Daughter) “That’s Numbtongue! Put that bow down! Put it down or I’ll hit you with an acid jar and you don’t wanna turn into a laughing clown-dude!”
(To Palt) “I’m not good at strategy, Palt. I don’t do…that. It’s messy. No taking turns. It’s just…action. Punch the other person in the face as fast as you can, y’know?”
(To herself) “Weird. I didn’t even have anything to do with it this time.”
(To herself) “The news gets weirder and weirder every day, I swear.”
To Maviola:
- “Okay, maybe it had something to do with that [King] and the war we just saw. I get…nervous. When I see big armies and people killing each other.”
- “Well, we did share magical fire and stuff. I think that’s a good reason to trust each other.”
(To Grimalkin) “Because it’s not their branch, but you guys stealing the plays! If you want to let Pallassians join the Players, okay, Grimalkin. But why does it have to be Pallass’ people? Huh? Huh? Huh? Let them perform in Pallass and you can wait for your own group!”
To Maviola:
- “Why do I need to solve every problem Liscor has? I’m not a Watch Captain! I’m not the person who made the Raskghar sick! I don’t even own a sword! Why me?”
- “I don’t want to save the Raskghar. And that sounds wrong even as I say it.”
To Lyonette:
- “That’s right. Numbtongue’s the big brother, Bird is…either the little brother or another big brother…you’re the mom…”
- “Nah, nah, I figured it out this time. I’m the crazy-awesome grandma! Doesn’t that make sense?”
To Grimalkin:
- “Who, Ryoka? Well, she’s a know-it-all. Knows all about—what’s it’s all about.”
- “Well, I’ve had it up to here with you, Grimalkin. This ain’t Pallass. But guess what? This is my inn. And if you don’t want to respect my guests—you’re not welcome here. So guess what again? Get out.”
- “Yeah, you’ve helped a lot, Grimalkin. Saved my life, punched Beza over there—but you know what? You can be kind of a jerk. And I’ve kicked out friends before. Actual friends. I said—get out.”
- “Grimalkin. You’re welcome to come back if you change. I like you. But you’re not a good guest. And guess what?”
- “You can’t threaten me with Pallass. Because Pallass? I don’t need it. It’s nice. But it’s not essential. And you? You’re no Zel Shivertail. He was better than you.”
(To Pallassian Guard) “Really? You and what magic doors?”
(To Fierre) “You’ve got ink on your fingers. Respect the board.”
(To the others) “Maybe we could fish in the pond and like…sit in the sun and throw sand on Mrsha.”
To Wailant:
- “Oh, hah-hah, Wailant. I may be gullible, but I’m not that gullible.”
- “Sell me some! I’ll make you an invisible pumpkin pie! Or Imani will!”
(To Kevin) “It’s so cool. Can I ride it?”
(To everyone) “It’s working! It’s working! I’m riding a bike!”
(To Palt) “If I hit you, will this make my problems go away?”
To Saliss:
- “Maybe—maybe because if I smile, other people are more likely to, right?”
- “I choose to remember the happy days. I think I’d do that too, if I could. After all—the bad days suck. But that’s why I have happy days too, right?”
- “My happy days don’t go away. They’re happier because of the bad days. That’s how it works. It’s like…d-diamonds in poo? No, wait. Diamonds aren’t actually that great. Daffodils in mud? Hold on…”
(To Xrn) “Noooooooooooo. Just—a warning bop! That’s all! Definitely not an attack!”
(To Numbtongue) “Numbtongue. You’re a big Hobgoblin, not a kid. That’s true. And Lyonette shouldn’t boss you around and you absolutely get to do what you think’s right. That’s all true.” + “I just have one question. Are you defending yourself? Or bullying?”
(To Barelle) “It’s just not true. Those things happened—but it wasn’t me. I’ve never been a heroic, super-brave person who can solve things. I have never beaten those monsters or saved anyone alone. All I have done on my own is kill people. But I have amazing friends. Heroes have stayed in my inn. And I fed them waffles.”
(To anyone ) “I’m trying to go back to my restaurant! Anyone wants to stop me, they can drink acid!”
(To herself) “Rather be mugged than have this huge party thrown for me. Grumble grumble grumble grumble…”
(To the Brothers) “You are criminals. But I’m sure of this. There are worse people in the world than you. You probably aren’t good men.” + “…But I don’t think you’re bad guys.”
(To Ratici & Wilovan) “I might be. But how many do you meet? I just like weird duos, I guess. The first people I met at Liscor were…”
To Olesm:
- “Come on in, you silly [Strategist]. I don’t hate you. We just don’t agree. How’s Maviola? Don’t run off!”
- “No way. Can she spit blood? Tell me she can—then it’d get everyone else off my back and onto hers!”
- “Nah. I’m the boss. That means other people do it. Neat, huh?”
(To Kiish) “Don’t be silly! We’re playing. No one interrupts a chess game, no matter how much a big shot they are.”
(To Altestiel) “That’s what makes it fun! She’s just playing at her best! It’s not cheating. Chaldion’s as close as it comes to cheating.”
To Ryoka:
- “I’ve always been jealous of you.”
- “Hey, have you met my weird friend? She’s a City Runner. Her name’s Ryoka.” + “I’ve helped her before. Picked up pieces after she ran. She’s always doing weird stuff. Running here, going into the High Passes. She’s not a great person. She’s good, but not super-great. Really. She has a bad temper, she gets depressed, she can’t even be a proper person, let alone look after friends…” + “…But she always seems to be trying to do the right thing. And that’s why I help her, even if she asks for crazy stuff. Because I admire her. I admire her being brave, even when she’s terrified.”
- “Dummy. I have Skills. You have bare feet and toe fungus.”
(To Alman) “I forgot you had a family, Lord Sanito. Not you, then. But I need your help. I don’t have much time. We don’t have much time.”
(To Zevara) “Zevara. Is there such a thing as right and wrong?”
(To Grimalkin) “Do you believe in good and evil, Grimalkin?”
(To Brothers) “No. The exact opposite. Whatever I’ve done—this isn’t the kind of thing you owe me. I’d be in debt. I don’t have the right. And I have every right. I—am not asking you for a favor. I can’t repay that kind of favor. I will try. But I will never succeed.”
(To Grimalkin) “It’s not about whether we like each other, Grimalkin. It’s because I need your help. And because when you need me, I will be there so long as I’m alive. And you are one of the few people who can help. And because…”
(To Brothers (same with Grimalkin)) “…It is the right thing to do. And you are men who believe that right and wrong exist, aren’t you?”
(To Chaldion) “For my friend. She’ll die. And I’m selfish. Just like her.” + “It’s so easy for Ryoka. She might die, but it’s harder to ask people to fight for you. That’s the only thing I’ll ever say. Because I’m a monster. I was too cowardly to become a [General]. But I’ll ask again. Again—I don’t want my friends to die. But my guests, my inn, isn’t enough. I need—an army. So I am asking you.”
(To Selys) “Because we don’t run away. Stay safe.”
(To Mrsha) “Maybe not fine. But Ryoka won’t die. She’s too Ryoka for that. You know her.”
To Olesm:
- “That’s fine. Because I’ll do it again. Again, and again. Only next time—I’ll do it better. I’ll build a bigger inn. Find more people. Get stronger. Make sure no one has to die next time.”
- “And I didn’t do all of it. Not by a long shot! Who were those [Witches]? I didn’t ask the Couriers—The Wandering Inn isn’t capable of making miracles.” + “…Alone. What I mean is…that wasn’t my run. I wasn’t Ryoka. But here—” + “Here. The adventure begins here.”
(To Hexel) “If you’re going to tell me I’m being stupid, I’ll admit to that, but it’s hurtful, Hexel.”
(To Rabbiteater) “It’s not an insult to me. Because…I’m a Hufflepuff, Rabbiteater. Me too.”
To Altestiel:
- “My soul isn’t in the chessboard or anything. The chessboard is only a piece of wood. Even enchanted wood. I didn’t marry it. I hated it, when I was younger.”
- “There are more important things to love than a game. I’d trade playing chess for the rest of my existence to bring just one of them back.”
- “I meant…even grander than an Earl. I couldn’t—see myself falling in love anyways. Not if I was worried about…”
- “Someone who could protect them all. All the people who’ll tear out pieces of my heart if they die. How am I supposed to love someone and be selfish for me while they’re out there?”
- “You can’t protect them with gold alone. You’re too weak. We all are. If there was someone who could capture my heart with who they were alone—it would be someone who could promise me they will not die. Or if they do—it will not be in vain. Who could give meaning to this world and what happens. Does that make sense?”
- “Yeah, Altestiel. But then, I don’t think I love you, then. And I don’t feel that spark.”
- “I’m willing to try. As friends. But I’m afraid you might never find what you’re looking for. If that’s okay…I’m fine with it. But I don’t want to hurt you by what I am.”
To her audience:
- “Yeah. Something like that. But—it’s so hard to keep them safe. I can while it’s my inn. But it’s so hard out of it. And I’m not cool with that. I’d like to protect them everywhere. Even if it’s impossible, I want to.”
- “I won’t remain the same forever. Nor will I ever let them die. If I have to struggle—and beg every favor in the world, I won’t let them go. No matter how far you go.”
- “They were here. They stood in this place. And I will never forget it! This inn will not forget they were here. My silly friends. My heroes. My protectors.”
To Rabbiteater:
- “You were right here. I asked you to die for me! Okay? Enough? It’s never enough! You will always be here. Even when you leave!”
- “Silly. You’re supposed to do what you think is right. Why do you think they made you a [Champion]? Why do you think I love you? Just tell me this. Do you want to lose?”
- “Because you left? Nothing will ever change. You might not be fancy. You’re a Goblin. So what? You’re my [Knight]. My [Champion]. I’ll never let you be anything less. And I’ll never abandon you. No matter how far you go.”
- I never should have made you think you had to protect my inn.
- “I’ll be waiting for you to come back. Have an adventure. Do good things. Fall in love. Be silly. Make mistakes. But come back and tell me about it, okay?”
Missive To Laken:
- I can call you ‘L’ if you want. You can call me ‘E’.
- Do you kill little Gnolls? Or Drakes? I normally wouldn’t ask, but I feel like I should be sure.
- GRIFFON HUNT? I KNOW THEM!
- Okay, if you know Halrac (how is he?), you’re probably okay. In that case, I’ll bring friends! And food. I have some things our ‘other guests’ will really like. Like this bread.
- Good point. Well, so long as you’re cool with Goblins…we’ll head out in two days. Big guests. Bring lots of food. No killing Goblins, got it?
(To Ilvriss) “Hey Ilvriss. Ilvriss! Try this mayo. Good, huh? Fancy shmancy enough for you?”

Volume 8[edit | edit source]

To the [Witches]:
- “What if I’m not special, though? What if I can’t live up to those expectations? I don’t think I’m capable of changing things. If you give me all this knowledge and put me in that place where everyone counts on me—what if I fail and they all suffer and die because of me?”
- “Hey. I was being heartfelt there. This is hurting my feelings.”
(To Califor) “I must narrate my journal entries since I can’t write everything down, and I forget what I narrate all the time. I continue to be bothered by this rude [Witch] who’s mean and never lets me rest, even if she did save my life. So yeah…”
(To Elucina) “Am I—I don’t know—am I supposed to bow or something? Wait, this is huge, right? You’re super important? You’re so important I don’t know how important you are!”
To Velzimri:
- “It probably is. [Witches] are always correct and stuff. But they’re not always right. Especially when they’re being cunning jerks to you. Come back! I need to ask you something!”
- “Shush. I don’t care about that. Listen. Won’t you tell me your name? You don’t want it remembered because you think you messed up. I know. You said that. But…don’t you want someone to write it down? To tell your story again and say—‘he made mistakes, but he did make Sage’s Grass?’ So I can say I met you, instead of the Hundredfold Thousand Secret-guy?”
- “I don’t know! That’s not the point! I just…don’t want to meet you and not know your name. What’s the point of that? If I meet every legend in this world and learn their stories, who cares? I’d rather—make a friend.”
(To every Ghosts) “If I wake…if I remember it all. I know it’s a big if. But if I can bring a memory to the land of the living, and you could tell them anything—what would that be?”
(To Xarkouth) “I’m not ‘girl’. I’m Erin. Nice to meet you. Also, I was given the umbrella. I may have stolen the sword. But I’ll give it back.”
To Ghosts:
- “No…well, I mean, I’d try. I just mean…Pisces can take care of himself, but the Horns are lost. That’s what the ghosts say. I bet Lyonette’s worried and Mrsha is sad. I bet Pisces can get all the others to safety. I bet he’s coming to the inn to dump them on me. That’s okay. He’s a smart guy. I never tell him that because he’s snooty, but he’s smart and brave and…I just have to be back when he gets there.”
- “Because someone has to be there when he gets back. To hug him. To ask—no. Just to hug him, after all that. After all the things he saw, someone has to give him a hot drink and…greet him at the door. Me. I have to be there. So my friends should hurry up. And revive me. That’s silly. I don’t know why I’m putting it all on them. I just…”
- “I…I’m tired of being dead. I’m sorry, everyone. I don’t mean to offend you. I have to get back. I want to live. I want…to live.”
(To Fetohep) “No, I mean…how’s things? How are you? Sorry, I don’t mean to give you more work. How’s life being dead? Um…”
(Missive to her friends) ‘I’m only mostly dead. Sorry, just joking. Wait for me. I’m coming back. Please don’t bury me.’
(To Califor) “Aw! But I was going to help convince Khelta to beat up the [Slavers]! Come on, Califor, join in with me. It’s a good deal, right?”
Illusion Erin to Pisces
- “[Necromancers]. Fundamentally untrustworthy. [Bandits] bad. Goblins bad too. Hey, everyone’s bad! Have you heard of stinking Humans? Sheesh.”
- “Why should you make the effort? Why should you try, Mister Gold-rank? Because, and I keep telling you this: you’re a better person than they are.”
(To Drevish) “…Are you sure you’re an [Architect]? Bird would love you.”
(Missive To Pisces) I’m not dead, only chilling. Don’t die on me, I have to serve you pasta again.
(Imaginary Erin to Rabbiteater) “Hey, you want this flag or not? It’s getting heavy. How did I carry it all battle?”
(To Nereshal) “Hey, buddy. I get it. But there’s sort of a crisis. So…if you’re not fighting that thing, would you mind helping me punch those guys?”
(To Ryoka) “Ryoka. My body’s alive! I’m just, uh—not in it! Put me back! Put me back and kick whoever’s squatting in there out of it! Okay?”
(To Razia) “Me? Yes! I’m Erin! But watch out—that guy’s evil!”
(To Dead Gods) “Stay right there. Because if you come to the lands of the living, I’ll be waiting. And when I have a body, I’ll punch you straight back into being nothing! I’ll do anything to stop you. This isn’t your world, and I’ll call everyone in…everything to fight you!”

Volume 9[edit | edit source]

(To request-board) “You think this makes you better than me? I don’t need you anyways!”
(To everyone) “Gotcha, suckers! I’m back! Chaos! Classic me! You’ll never get answers, only confusion!”
(To gravity) “Damn you gravity! I’ll fight you!”
(Singing) “~♪~ Sugar glass, sugar glass. Put a bit of mana in it and it’ll be done in a flash! And taste like—”
(To Moore) “I heard you fought in a war for me. You—you silly half-Giant! I’ve been waiting for you to come here so I could do this! I just couldn’t chase you down in a wheelchair.”
(To Foliana) “Hello! Are you Three-Color Stalker? I mean, Foliana? You’re so beautiful.”
(To Garden of Sanctuary) “This is the statue I wanted to see. The statues, I mean. They’re all the ones I want to see. But not the one I’m thinking of. Show it to me. They deserve a place, or do they predate…you? They deserve a spot. Show me.”
(To Wiskeria) “You’re fascinating! You’re nothing like what I thought you’d be—if I even knew Belavierr had a daughter! Wiskeria, I like you!”
(To Witches) “I—I—I’m not sure I’m cool enough to be a [Witch] all the time, Wiskeria. I can’t ooze style and self-assurance like that. I’ve been worried all day because Califor, the [Witches] of old like Somillune? I don’t think I can ever be that—wonderful. [Witches], I mean. They’re magic and stories, and I’m afraid I’ll let down their class. Can’t I look like this?”
(To Fetohep) “You—of them all, you would have been a fun king. Even for me.”
(To herself) “Goblinfriend…something I’d do once I had time…think, Erin. Think like Erin Solstice. No, wait, Erin Solstice in a year or two. Something grand. Something scary. Thiiiinnk—when is Ryoka getting here?”
(To Pawn) “Well, if you have work, you have work. But just grab me and tell me you want to talk, okay? Don’t be a stranger. Not you. Not here.”
To Ryoka:
- “There you are. I’ve been waiting, you—you slow Runner! Where have you been?”
- “Don’t look so guilty. I know you run around. I’m just happy to see you, my friend.”
To Ryoka, about Tyrion:
- “I understand what you just said, Ryoka. I get it. You raised a lot of good points just now. Forgiveness. Working with—people who have stains. I get it. Sometimes, to stop a monster, you might join forces with tiny monsters. I’ve decided to do things I know will hurt people, lately, and I know exactly—exactly what needs to be done.”
- “Not him. Not him. I’ll take Magnolia Reinhart’s hand. I’ll forgive anyone else. But he—you don’t know what he did, do you, Ryoka? Do you even—you weren’t there. Headscratcher, Shorthilt, Pyrite—that man murdered my friends. He brought war to Liscor and murdered countless innocent people. Not. Him.”
(To Numbtongue) “Numbtongue! If he takes one more step into this inn—take him out. If any one of them does—they’ll regret it. A [Witch]’s word on it.”
To Ryoka:
- “Are…you?”
- “I get that. If he steps foot in my inn again, I will burn him. Not him, Ryoka. I will talk to you, and you can let him do good things if you believe in him. But you and I will never see eye-to-eye on that.”
(To Theice) “And when there are more Goblin Kings each millenia than Kings of Destruction, I will change my mind. Who has done worse? I don’t blame Tyrion Veltras on all Humans. Nor are all Fraerlings defined by the Titan of Baleros. Monsters arise. Some are both good and evil. Niers Astoragon’s enemies might call him a nightmare of Baleros. One Fraerling—and one Squirrel—brought down the Great Company of the Lizardfolk. Some would call him worse than Velan. I think he’s better than not. Even if you weighed his deeds and history on a perfect scale. I like him. But I know who he is. You can do that with every leader, from the King of Destruction to Magnolia Reinhart. Someone likes them, someone doesn’t. Isn’t that true of the Seer of Steel and Tulm the Mithril? Chaldion?”
To Ryoka, about Tyrion
- “I will never forgive him. Just remember that. You can advocate for Tyrion Veltras. And I can avoid taking a rook to checkmate the king or avoid losing a piece or position on the board.”
- “—Tyrion Veltras and I will never see eye-to-eye. He’s not here. He’s still riding past me on that battlefield, and I am still holding Headscratcher in my arms. If you can aim him away, do it. But if we ever meet like that again. That time—I will kill him.”
(To Lulv) “Listen, pal. The only reason I’m letting you in is because I’m tired of spies and your [Soldiers] lurking around the grass. Plus, it’s funny watching Demsleth mess with you. But cause trouble and I’ll have Mrsha kick you out!”
(To Ryoka) “—Tyrion Veltras and I will never see eye-to-eye. He’s not here. He’s still riding past me on that battlefield, and I am still holding Headscratcher in my arms. If you can aim him away, do it. But if we ever meet like that again. That time—I will kill him.”
(To herself, about Normen) “I’d make sure he wants for nothing again. If only he’d hate me. But he is still a [Knight]. I should have waited a year. There’s no excuse. I should have been a monster. Then I’d have been able to protect him.”
(To Shadowbread loaves) “You are the first line. You will not be the last! But if things go well—it’ll be because you were here. I don’t want any loafing around. I need you to get down and rye. Pull yourself together. No dough, just true wheat.”
(To Jiupe)
- “Why do you all speak like that?”
- “Like…‘only for you, Miss Solstice’. I’ll give you one chance. Think carefully. Speak like monsters and stop trying to be liked.”
(To Nerry/the world/ the falling sky)
- “I have run out of regrets. The world will give before I do.”